can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
