There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize