Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
