Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
