If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm gonna fight the coyote
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
