Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
