just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
one two three fourrrrnication!
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
