Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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