sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
why do cheetos always look like penises
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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