I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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