I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
