Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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