I must be too annoying 4 u.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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