I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize