this beer tastes like vomit already
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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