it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
