Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize