I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
