I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
