U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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