I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
