have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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