theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
