So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you had me at cake vodka
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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