Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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