i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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