If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
