ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
