oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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