I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
