Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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