Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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