I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Be still, my beating vagina.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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