Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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