This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
