Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
