I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
