Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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