I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
