Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
