I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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