I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
