is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
