it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize