i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
