3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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