He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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