great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
