I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
