You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
