If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
