help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize