I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
