Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize