I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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