I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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