Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
