dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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