You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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