And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize