I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
