i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
nutella sex= disaster
Semen is not good for contacts.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
