She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
