There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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