it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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