she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
