It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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