I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
