So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
