pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
