Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
