wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
