I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
