so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize