I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
