i will never coherently bang her
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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