Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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