The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
