my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Randomize
