talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
