Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
