A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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