Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
