It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I can feel your judgement through the phone
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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