I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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