Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
