can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
