I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
