You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
