is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
