I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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