well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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