There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
