Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
