i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Randomize
