vagina is talking i cant
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
