Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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