I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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