awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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