I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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