how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
