Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
