when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
