Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
