yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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