I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
