It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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