So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
God, I missed his penis.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
