Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
