Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She announced her abortion via fbk
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
