That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
