Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
