I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
