Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
